Blog Archives

Knight Chills 2001 Review

Knight Chils 2001

Directed by: Katherine Hicks

Starring: Michael Rene Walton, DJ Perry, David Borowicz

987654567890-98765456789

Review by Luisjo González

Unfortunately guys and gals, I’m not much of a gamer. My first girlfriend and I completed most of the Survival Horror 2021-10-23 (15)classics: Resident Evil 1-4, Overblood, Project Zero and Silent Hill etc. I also got through Blair Witch, Carrier, Nocturne, Deep Fear and more recently Dead Space, but aside from a bit of Football Manager, video games and I don’t match. Actually sitting and playing Dungeons and Dragons with boards, dice and figures, please drop me out. My scientific mind is so against bullsh*t that I haven’t even watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy. I know that they’re reportedly amazing features and Oscar winners, but I mean, Orcs, Goblins, Dragons and the rest is just too far fetched for my analytical brain. Same with Harry Potter and James Bond always surviving, whilst bad guys die EVERY SINGLE TIME. In real life that would never happen, so why should I believe it in a movie? I’m eminently hopeful that this attitude won’t prevent me from enjoying this particular entry, which is obviously about peeps playing an RPG.2021-10-23 (12)

I found Knight Chills on one of those 50 horror movies for $10 packs and I learned to never purchase one again. You see, you may think 50 for $10 is a pretty good bargain, but I realised that I would’ve wasted 49 x 85 minutes of my valuable time and I’ll never get those hours back. I decided to watch this one though, because a guy in armour murdering youngsters simply screams ‘SLASHER’. For a Slash above I had to buy the original NTSC DVD for a photo of the cover picture, but $3.99 from eBay and $7 postage is not going to leave me destitute. I love knights from the old medieval days and in my review of Terror Night, I mentioned the ‘knight In armour’ killing as a favourite. I’m surprised that there hasn’t been more slashers that have used that disguise, but maybe it’s just that the costume weighs too much to be practical? Well, in this movie, we get the real thing on a horse and that’s why I decided to give it a shot…

Knight Chills is a story about role players and the games that they’re enamoured with. This takes us down a dark path and let’s us see what happens when fantasy becomes reality and a medieval knight begins stalking and slaughtering the dice throwers.

So none of the other slasher websites have bothered with this one, which leads to the question, is it a Stalk and Slash 2021-10-23 (34)movie? If you consider a masked killer murdering people with a blade slasher-esque, then you know that as usual, I’m correct. Another thing of interest is that not only does this have a typical antagonist, but it also includes the classic ‘revenge of the bullied nerd’ synopsis that we saw in Slaughter High, Tormented, Terror Train, Evil Night and many others. The only problem with KC is that in the previous entries I mentioned, the unfortunate prank that backfires happens in the first 10/15 minutes of screen time. Here we have to wait WELL over half an hour for it to start and getting to that point is a painstaking, arduos task. I had to watch this flick over four attempts, because I was unsuccessful in the battle to stay awake each previous time. Finally, I managed to watch the rest in the morning on a Saturday and I saw it to the end. Why was I so bored you ask? Well, as I said above, I’m not a gamer, so viewing bad actors discuss crystals, magic potions, warlocks and whatever else is not my idea of fun. Credit to the director because she spiced things up with suspense music (🤣), but maybe I can’t see tension in a group of mongrels sitting around a table rolling dice.2021-10-23 (16)

You know, I love female directors when they take the reins in our genre. A sub-category dominated by fellas certainly benefits from a feminine touch every once in a while, but this was Katherine Hicks first and last movie and it’s not hard to see why. Many organisers in the hot seat in low budget attempts have shown flair with their ideas, blocking, character placement and creative camera angles. Hicks literally points the camera and says action, and it’s best described as ‘pedestrian’. There are few things worse in the world of cinema than bad actors arguing. It happens here a couple of times and it’s totally wince inducing. Whilst this isn’t meant to be a comedy and it has the sense not to mix humour with horror like crap such as Slaughter Studios, Easter Sunday etcetera, I couldn’t help but giggle when one character told Laura (Laura Nixon) that two of her friends had been killed. I knew I was in for a giggle and my prediction was accurate, because I expected her to summon all of her minimal acting ability to look genuinely mortified and it was no less than hilarious 😂. It’s also pretty unbelievable that there would be two young girls playing board games. Now don’t misunderstand me WOKE readers, I’ve had my ass handed to me on Scrabble, Monopoly 2021-10-23 (804)and Articulate countless times by the fairer sex, but Dungeons and Dragons? Really? In London and Andalucía, Role Players have the reputation of being spotty geeks that girls avoid. I obviously don’t have factual proof and I could be wrong of course, but it just seems unlikely to me that young women would spend their evenings rolling dice with nerds? If anyone knows, shout me please and I apologise if I’m incorrect.

So far, I’ve made this sound pretty sh*t yeah? Well, it does start pretty bad, but when the killer finally turns up, things drastically improve. There’s not even a millilitre of blood, but the killer looks awesome and he utilises one of my favourite slasher trademarks, a killer ‘calling card’. Each victim finds a red rose before being slashed and I certainly enjoyed the last twenty-minutes. I always hate it when producers put their kid in the movie and it especially sucks when the kid is THE WORST ACTOR EVAAAAAAAAA. Surprisingly though, I didn’t allow it to ruin the final scene. If I compare this film to Slaughter High or Terror Train, you’d have to mention that Marty Rantzen was horribly disfigured and Kenny Hampson ended up in an asylum after their school friends tormented them. John in this film got a few nasty words, a snowball thrown at him and that’s it! The entire ‘revenge of the bullied nerd’ plot-line must include a HORRENDOUS event to build up the2021-10-23 (1125) vengeance. Here, I think the guys getting stalked got a pretty tough deal for literally NOTHING. If John (Michael Rene Walton) worked in my office, he would’ve killed us all on day two. We tear each other apart reguarly with personally targeted banter and we hold NOTHING back in our ambition to make someone feel awful.

So should you hunt out Knight Chills? Well, gamers would love it, but for the rest of us, it’s quite slow, poorly acted/directed with one of the most unattractive casts I’ve ever seen. I was thinking, if I had to compare it to another slasher, I’d go with Dead Above Ground. This is much better than DAG but the two have similar story elements and synopsises. I did really enjoy the killer guise and I certainly didn’t stab darts in my eyeballs as I did with Curse of Halloween. I’m aware I have a lot of slasher completists reading my blog, so even if it hasn’t got killer POVs, heavy breath etc, you collectors should get it. For my other readers? I guess it’s a matter of personal choice. I don’t recommend it, but I liked parts of it and I’m glad I saw it.

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise:√√√√√

Gore:

Final Girl:

RATING:

2021-10-23 (701)

School Killer 2001 Review

School Killer 2001

aka El Vigalante

Directed by: Carlos Gil

Starring: Paul Naschy, Carlos Fuentes, Zoe Berriatúa

647647645687387398329822

Review by Luis Joaquín González

Spanish people, in general, are notorious for doing things slightly differently than everybody else. It’s an unwritten rule for us that we take a standard task and add our own slant on it, whether it be for the better 64764376387387387383874764764873873839833or for the worse. That’s why I wasn’t surprised that this post Scream inclusion to the stalk and slash cycle wasn’t by any means a run-of-the-mill genre entry.

El Vigilante or School Killer – as it’s known on these shores – was released with something of a buzz during the early noughties. This was due to the fact that it 6476473873839839839833included a starring role for Paul Naschy who was Spain’s very own Christopher Lee. He was a former bodybuilder that stepped into Lon Chaney Jr’s shoes to portray ‘Wolfman’ Waldemar Daninsky in a script that he had penned for Hell’s Creatures (1968). He reprised the popular role for the series of sequels and became a horror icon by playing Dracula, The Mummy and even Jack the Ripper throughout the following decades. Perhaps the purest example of a fan dedicating his life to the genre that he adored, Naschy passed away in 2009 at the age of 75, leaving behind over a hundred movies.

It’s a shame that such a charismatic actor didn’t make more slasher films. With his hulking frame and 65476476437387387398478473873879833imposing presence, he was perfect bogeyman material. His participation in the obscure El Lado Oscuro (2002), the Giallo, El asesino está entre los trece (1976), and this new-age stalk and slasher are the only examples that we have of him slashing it up. The plot for School Killer seems fairly routine at first glance and involves a group of six kids heading off to a dilapidated school to spend a weekend exploring the creepy corridors. Upon arrival they notice that some lights are turning on and off by themselves and it seems that they’re far from alone. Soon after, they begin being stalked and slaughtered by the deranged 76476474873873874874874874984groundskeeper. The strange thing is, he was supposed to have died many years ago…

I was having a chat recently with Haydn Watkins, co-author of the upcoming book Alone in the Dark: 80 years of stalk and slash. He agrees with my controversial theory that A Nightmare on Elm Street is a tad too supernatural to be a standard inclusion to the genre. If that’s the case though, how do I justify putting a film like this on a SLASH above? Well, whilst there are ghostly apparitions here and even jumps in the time/space continuum, the hulking maniac murders victims with methods more common to the standard template than Freddy’s subconscious fantasies. We get stabbings, slashings and a 6437637387387329829829822gruesome decapitation that allow us to be sure that this is on the right website.

Director Carlos Gil had been a successful assistant to Steven Spielberg on the original Indiana Jones trilogy. His experience is clearly evident here and he wraps the movie in a foggy blue tint of cinematography that works wonders in setting the tone of desolation. A large campus is used as the backdrop for the stalking scenarios and the darkened corridors isolate the players exceptionally. Naschy gives us a killer with a relentless brutality and although generally I prefer a strong silent antagonist, his delivery of grim dialogue does add ruthlessness to his impact.  Only a couple of the main cast members are clearly developed and the rest were pretty much interchangeable, but their jesting succeeded in convincing us that they were indeed a group of close friends. There are the supernatural flourishes that we don’t usually see in these movies, but they are more of an after-effect than a key ingredient and the inclusion of trademarks 4565657687766565like the heavy breath POV, mean this is definitely a stalk and slasher. It is an authentic one for sure, but not enough to push it outside of the category.

Whilst I certainly enjoyed School Killer and was impressed by the way it was conveyed, it shot itself in the foot somewhat with that age-old issue that plagues countless horror films. Our group of youngsters had various opportunities to escape the site and save themselves or get help, but the more that they bizarrely chose not to, the sillier the whole thing began to look. Whilst the script did try to rationalise their peculiar indecision, each explanation became more and more farcical and it had a huge effect on the credibility of the story. For example, the troupe learn early on that the tyres on their car have been slashed, which would make the average everyday Joe start sprinting until their legs buckled from exhaustion. These nitwits however decide to return back inside the complex and wait around until it’s their turn to get butchered. I am hesitant to call this lazy scripting, but it certainly should have been handled more creatively. I also felt 45456576767687767665that the film would have played better with a more suitable score, but it’s impossible to say whether this was down to a small-ish budget.

There’s a lot about School Killer that I really liked. It’s suspenseful, creepy and original, with a few Kevin Williamson-alike referential quips from the cast (Including a mention of Scream 3 funnily enough). We get a couple of hot chicas, an extremely convincing head-lopping and a downright creepy atmosphere. There’s just something that holds it back from touching on greatness, even if, it’s hard to ascertain exactly what that is. I guess that the film is best summed up by its conclusion, which is bold and ambitious but somewhat inadequately executed.

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise:

Gore: √√

Final Girl:

RATING:a-slash-above-logo11a-slash-above-logo11a-slash-above-logo11

65465437637638732872872

The Pool 2001 Review

The Pool 2000

Directed by: Boris Von Sychowski

Starring: Kristen Miller, Isla Fischer, Paul Grasshoff

6536736728727828722

Review by Luisito Joaquín González

After watching and thoroughly enjoying Anatomy a couple of weeks back, I thought that I’d check out another of 67656787878889988777Germany’s post-Scream additions to the slasher genre. The Pool didn’t make as big a splash as Stefan Ruzowitzky’s entry when it hit shelves, but it did tick a box that I’d dreamed of since I was a youngster.

You see, I remember visiting a Swimming complex in London when I was growing up called 54565677788787878998Fantaseas. It was a huge water park that had American-style flumes, countless wave-based gimmicks and a mixed-sex changing room, which was enough motivation for a youngster like me to hope to pick up some chicas. It was only open for a short while until a few serious accidents caused its sudden closure. One of those was a gruesome fatality that launched a tirade of bad press and the rumour that the site was haunted. With this in mind, a group of friends and I climbed through an air vent one night to see if we could discover any paranormal activity. Whilst we didn’t come across any ghosts or sentient beings, the sight of the dilapidated complex in spooky solitude is an image that’s stayed with me to this day.

 

I always felt that if I were to make a horror film, I would chose a similar backdrop to that which had effected me so much back then, but Boris von Sychowski beat me to it. I just hoped that he would make the most of what there was 465678879887776666to offer.

A group of youngsters decide to celebrate their graduation by throwing a party inside a swimming complex. Little do they know that one of their number is looking to slash rather than splash…

Even though Pool was a German production, the cast is made up of various nationalities and a lot of the exteriors were filmed in one of my favourite cities, Prague. The mix of actors does create an interesting blend of accents, but unlike the aforementioned Anatomy, the crew decided to utilise English as the main language to make the movie easier to market globally. There are some faces that you may have seen in other pictures since 66736737278287282828922this hit shelves, but the most recognisable is a young Isla Fischer who has carved out a steady career in cinema since.

Back in the early noughties, slasher films were still making a tidy profit and it’s visible that The Pool is extremely well financed to capitalise on that. Von Sychowski directs with a vibrant panache and plans every shot extremely well. He chooses a blue-ish tinge to shoot the action and it complements the film’s aquatic nature. I was hoping to see the water park backdrop utilised as much as possible and some memorable set pieces are created because they do just that. We get a kill scene that has become notorious and it sees a young bunny get sliced in half after sliding down a flume on to a strategically placed blade. It brought back memories of all those urban legends about razors in watershoots and its one that’ll make 65467367327827828728929822female viewers flinch. An impressive number of partying teenagers are dispatched via the killer’s signature machete, but perhaps because the producers were hoping not to suffer censorship issues, there’s very little gore on display.

There was another sequence that I thought was credible, which saw a group of teenagers stalked inside an air vent. It worked well due to the obvious claustrophobia and the fact that the victims had no real method of defence. What it lacked though, and it’s something that I felt really let the movie down, was the right amount of suspense. Make no mistake about it; The Pool is a fine advertisement for the slasher genre. It’s got some hilarious dialogue, a decent soundtrack, beautiful cast members and it knows how to have some fun. The only thing that was really missing was the slice of tension that can turn a good film into a great one and it had an effect on my idea of a rating. I don’t recall many moments when I felt that I didn’t know what was coming next and because there were no shocks or genuine scares, it made things feel somewhat diluted. Chuck on top of that a 5456676787888776767poorly handled mystery and a pointless subplot with a detective that looks like Roy Cropper and the film loses a chunk of its polish.

The Pool tries its darndest to follow the Scream methodology, (the opening sequence is almost identical) and I guess that it succeeds, because if you really like Craven’s picture, you’ll most 54656767778878877778definitely enjoy this. It’s a slick slasher movie that ticks the right boxes, but the only disappointment is that it doesn’t go for the jugular.Funnily enough one character even says, I know what you did last summer just to prove the Williamson inspiration

Looking at the fate that befell Cherry Falls when it was cut to smithereens, it’s easy to see why The Pool played it safe and didn’t go all out for the gore-filled approach. Unfortunately it left a movie that has all the gloss, but not enough grit. Me, well I prefer them gritty…

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise: √√

Gore: √√

Final Girl: √√

RATING:securedownload (1)a-slash-above-logo11a-slash-above-logo11 

65656778787898998898998

.

Do You Wanna Know a Secret? 2001 Review

Do You Wanna Know a Secret? 2001

Directed by: Thomas Bradford

Starring: Chad Allen, Jeff Conway, Jack McGee

peliculas.1175.IMAGEN1

Review by Luisito Joaquín González

When I was a young dumb teenager, I remember that I fell madly in love with an older woman. I was too scared to 767656567878789ask her out, but we spent loads of time together and my heart used to beat like a UFC afterparty. One time we got drunk on cheap cider and in a final attempt to make her mine, I sung her the Billy J. Kramer hit, Do you wanna know a secret? Anyway, when the key line of, ‘I’m so in love with you‘ dropped I serenaded her emphatically. She smiled in a mocking way,876765567879898 finished the drink that I paid for and went home without batting an eyelid. I never saw her again.

I was hopeful that this overlooked genre entry, which was titled after that song, might solve some of the deep-rooted confidence issues that have haunted me since that fateful day. Perhaps my experience with those words might be a bit more enjoyable this time around and maybe, just maybe, I would be able to leave the past behind and start my life again… Weep

 

A year after Beth’s boyfriend is brutally hacked to death, she decides to take a weekend away with her new beau and four buddies. Almost as soon as they arrive, a masked killer turns up and begins slashing his way through 878765678789898them, leaving the words, Do you wanna know a secret, beside each corpse. Who could be the killer and what is the secret?

If I may, I’d like to remind you of the opening to the film, Reservoir Dogs. Instead of setting up the introduction of a protagonist in a typical fashion, we meet a whole group of characters that are sitting around a table drinking coffee. Even if no clear tone is being set by what we see, the dialogue is so intriguing and well written that we can’t take our eyes away from the screen. Now I know that it’s unfair to compare Do You Wanna Know a Secret to Quentin Tarrantino’s breakout motion picture, but I did so to 7867566787878998underscore the importance of developmental dialogue.

Thomas Bradford’s slasher leaves us in the hands of a pack of one dimensional players for the first forty minutes and despite only finishing this last night, I can’t remember a single word or sentence that any of them said. I’ve overhead conversations on trains that are more engaging, which leaves us with a chunk of tedium that would fail to maintain the attention span of a cyborg. I often gripe about poor attempts at slapstick in horror movies, but I would probably rather that than what feels like a lifetime of nonsensical chatter between people that are absolute nobodies to us. They flirt, 876765677879898they dance, they argue and they pose, but they have the chemistry of strangers and the intrigue of a dishwasher.

I’d completely lost interest by the time that the killer started slashing, but to be fair, they gave him an exceptional mask, which reminded me of the Tor Johnson one from Small Town Massacre. The kill scenes are delivered in ways that eliminate the chances of suspense and there’s not much gore either. Most slasher flicks give us a unique weapon or a method of murder that makes them stand out. Secret doesn’t bother with that though and does everything in the driest way possible. We finally arrive at the build up to the conclusion and the stupidity continues as the killer murders a police chief for no apparent reason in the toilets of a jailhouse. Our Reese Witherspoon wannabe final girl witnesses this and looks on as the masked assailant drives off in a rusty pick up truck. If you were left in that same position, outside a Police station, would you a) turn around and tell an armed law enforcement officer what you’d seen or b) take off after the murderous maniac alone with no weapon? Take a guess as to what she does. This all leads to a revelation scene that has been ripped off from Embalmed 8876754456578798and then we learn the ‘secret’, which has the impact of a dandelion.

So was there anything that impressed me? Well, the photography was energetic in places and Jack McGee and Jeff Conway did what was asked of them with the limited script. It was 786766787989898just that I was disappointed, because such a clearly well funded picture should have been capable of so much more. Ideas for movies don’t always work, but this one didn’t even do the basics properly. With minimal gore, unattractive females and yawn inducing plot delivery, I really couldn’t wait for the final credits to roll.

So did this assist me in my issues with rejection from so long ago? No. Instead, I went on Facebook and looked up that girl to see what she was like eighteen-years later. Six kids, twice divorced and a figure that would shame a sumo wrestler. I had a lucky escape when you look at me 18 years later (photos in About thr author uploaded September 2021… 😉

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise: √√√

Gore:√

Final Girl: √

RATING:securedownload (1) 

786754456567878798

.

The Backlot Murders 2001 Review

The Backlot Murders 2002

Directed by: David DeFalco

Starring: Priscilla Barnes, Corey Haim, Charles Fleischer

Review by Luisito Joaquín González

I wonder if in the future there will still be Elvis and Beatles men? Who knows if people will remember that such styles of male characterisation even existed? Me, much like Clarence Worley from True Romance, I’m definitely an Elvis man and that’s why I jumped at the chance to purchase The Backlot Murders when it was released a few years back. A nut job in a mask of the king… I mean 8746746746746748744why the hell didn’t someone think of that earlier?

An extremely average rock group have a spot of luck when their singer hooks up with the daughter of a big time record producer. She begs her father to give the band a record deal and for their first single, they are offered the opportunity to shoot a music video on the Hollywood lot of some classic horror movies. Once they’re on location and night falls, it becomes apparent that a masked killer is sharing the set with them. Could it be the psychotic band member that they recently fired? Or has someone else got a grudge against the rockers?1234564242432

This was another of the many titles released after the Scream rebirth that went for the tongue in cheek approach and played self-referential games with recognised trademarks. In the case of Backlot though, the target is silicone bimbos and drug addled rock stars as opposed to its category brethren and the comment here is a subtle dig at the shallow image-addicted nature of conceited youth. There’s a great line when one of the older characters speaks about Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho with his daughter and asks her if she’s seen it, to which she replies, ‘Sure! Isn’t that the one with Anne Heche?’ It’s moments such at these that give the script a smart hook. Much like Cherry Falls, it could be said that this was unfortunate not to get a cinematic outing as it seems far too polished to share a shelf with the other straight to video entries of this point in the period.

It’s easy to see that The Backlot Murders is a larger scale production without the usual bottom of the barrel financing that plagues DTV outings. The aerial photography of the Hollywood hills gives the film a stylish opening and the visuals are crisp and sharp. In the first twenty minutes, we are introduced to an abundance of characters and I felt concerned that the plot may get lost in the myriad of faces, but thankfully the main players soon get to grips with their roles and the frolics start flowing a lot smoother than I had initially expected. It takes a while for the killer to put in his first appearance, but from the moment that he arrives on screen, the bodies carry on dropping at a rapid rate and the runtime never ties itself in knots of tedium.

The producers had access after hours to classic sets from Universal studios and so they decided that rather than redecorate them so as to disguise their origins, they would incorporate them in to the feature. It’s great seeing the house from Psycho and even some of the killings are redone from classic slasher flicks. Look out for the spear through 12345894764874874398389398398398398398a love making couple from Friday the 13th part II and there’s a brief cameo from Ken Sagoes who was one of the most memorable characters from the A Nightmare on Elm Street series.

Although most of the youngsters are too clownish to be credible with their portrayals (it’s hard to tell if it’s intentional or not), Charles Fleischer was good as the camp and hilarious music video director. A lot of his one liners were improvised and he adds great energy to his dialogue. Priscilla Barnes is perfect as the super bitch producer and has a ball with a limitless characterisation that gives her the chance to chew the scenery and spit it out with a high intensity. Corey Haim’s here too, but he is hardly on screen for 172367367367367367367363673673longer than a minute at a time.The girls were obviously hired for their lady lumps more than their dramatic strengths and anyone who has read at least one review on a SLASH above will know that there are few that appreciate the female form more than I. Although its easy to see that the inclusion of more boobies than a California beach in summer was a nod to the cleavage factor formula of modern entries such as I Know What You Did Last Summer , I just felt that these bimbos were a tad too shallow to be attractive. Still, T&A fans that are looking for some nice visual stimulants will be in heaven. 

Whilst the story comes across well with its comedic tone, it fails in its attempts at horror. Director David DeFalco, who was behind forgotten eighties slasher Heavy Metal 09834Massacre, doesn’t manage to muster any suspense at all and a film with such a great location and high production values deserved a more creative fluidity from its manager of visuals. I don’t personally know David DeFalco, but what I’ve read about him, is not great. He is certainly someone I wouldn’t socialise with. It’s also worth noting that there’s no real final girl here, which was a strange choice. I’m not sure if it was deliberate, because there were a couple of possibles introduced, but one of them was killed, whilst the other – and most likely candidate – was written out of the script early on. I wonder if this was because of a disagreement or if it was actually the original intention? You’ll probably guess who it is under the Elvis mask and the motive is the only one that it could have been, but it manages to avoid mediocrity by maintaining an impressive pace.

Now make no mistake about it, The Backlot Murders is no Scream and it’s not even a Cherry Falls, either. But for an unseen and never mentioned flick, it has some pluses that set it far apart from the likes of Blood Reaper et al. Somewhat unfairly brushed aside, if you are realistic with your expectations, then there’s nothing here that will disappoint you.

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise:√√√√√

Gore √√

Final Girl √

RATING:

12345678910111213